Home Is Where Your Heart Is: Part Two Of Defining Home
by AlexandraMills
Summary: Gabriel hasn't been very functional since Sam's death six months ago. When Gabriel finds Sam's soul, he brings Sam back without any hesitation. Sam seems to be adjusting to life again well. Sam is so glad to be back with his angel, but why is he suddenly feeling so sick and cranky? Warnings: rape; malexmale; mpreg; torture; language
1. Chapter 1: Lonely

**AN: I do not own Supernatural. If I did, Gabriel would be a major character.**

September 2nd

Six months of torture have passed. Gabriel has done nothing, other than search for Sam. He doesn't understand what's wrong. As an archangel, it should have been easy for him to find Sam's soul and bring him back. It shouldn't have taken more than a day or at the very most two. And it most definitely shouldn't have taken six months. Gabriel knows he is falling apart because of his loss.

Something is blocking Sam's soul's location from him. Gabriel is sure of it. The major question is: who. What creature has enough power to do this!? No angel other than another archangel should be able to hide Sam from him and he had checked with all of his brothers including Lucifer. None of them has Sam. So where is he?

Gabriel understands Sam more now. He remembers the day he first saw Sam, the brokenness in his eyes and soul. Gabriel hadn't understood then how he could feel that way. Okay sonhis boyfriend died. So what? Sam should have just moved on and started over. Now he gets it. There is no starting over. There's no going back. There is only pain and a black abyss of pain and sorrow that is so devastating it renders the one bearing it to a shaking mess on the ground. It reduces its prey to a wounded animal that digs itself into a hole and tries to hide from the world and the pain within the world.

Why the fuck did he in love with Sam? Why did he choose to love someone at all? Oh, who the hell is he kidding anyway. Gabriel never chose to love Sam; he just did. And now Sam is gone! He has left Gabriel as a broken shell that isn't going to survive for much longer!

Gabriel just doesn't want to live anymore. He can't survive life without his moose. Instead of giving up on though, Gabriel has thrown himself into his relentless search for Sam's soul. It's all he does. He doesn't ever rest.

Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Sam. His Sam telling him to let him go. Sam lying in his arms covered in burns. Sam drawing a last breath. Sam dying and leaving Gabriel. Gabriel feels tears on his face and he struggles to continue to breathe. The pain in his heart is almost unbearable. It's like a crushing weight against his chest.

Gabriel thinks of little else than Sam. He wants to hold him tight, to cuddle, and to kiss him. He would love to hear that voice and see those eyes. Those eyes that always gazed at him with love, understanding, acceptance, and pride. It kills him inside to be away from Sam. Everything he sees reminds him of Sam.

Gabriel sits on the ground deep in the woods. He hugs himself and wishes that he could keep himself whole. But he knows he will never be able to feel whole again without Sam. Crying Gabriel rests for a short while before he begins to search for Sam again.


	2. Chapter 2: Reality

**AN: I decided to add a song quote at the end of each chapter as a hint of what the next chapter will be about. I hope you enjoy this chapter! And thank you for the favorites and follows I really appreciate them! Also, thank you to moonlitreader for their review. I love encouragement. :)  
**

October 17th

Gabriel is sitting on a bench in a park. He is starting to believe he will never find Sam. He won't give up. Instead he is resigning himself to searching for Sam for all of eternity. To be lonely forever. It's a horrible thought. He tries to imagine an eternity without Sam's voice, where his smile has seised to exist. The thought is so painful that Gabriel doubles over. He clutches his chest as spasms run though him and he starts to cry. The archangel misses Sam. He sees him everywhere. The pain of his loss is unbearable. Gabriel knows he can't last much longer without his lover.

Just as Gabriel is coming to this conclusion, he hears a flutter of wings. He turns to the source.

"Balthazar, what are you doing here?" Gabriel asks.

"Saving your ass. Well, saving your boyfriends ass and thereby saving your ass. But still, the point remains the same."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Gabriel feels himself growing impatient. He brother better have a damn good reason for not explaining himself and insisting on playing these cryptic games.

"Lilith has him." Balthazar states and on that note he leaves.

Lilith? Lilith has Sam? Gabriel is having trouble processing this information. He knows Balthazar wouldn't betray him like this. He would be in too much trouble with Michael. Michael doesn't care about much, but he's always had a soft spot for Gabriel. It's part of the reason Gabriel managed to leave heaven and pose as a trickster. Michael never kept a close enough watch on him. It had been easy to sneak out and disappear from everyone including Michael.

Gabriel wonders how Balthazar managed to figure out what he looks like. Oh well. He knows Balthazar will never tell anyone because Balthazar has already forgotten. One privilege of being a trickster and an archangel is that Gabriel made it impossible to look at him and remember what he looks like without his, Gabriel's, say so. Humans can have a vague idea and are able to describe him to others of their species. Angels are unable to remember anything. Demons and any other supernatural creature can remember the most and only because Gabriel wants to make sure they fear him.

Gabriel shakes his head to clear his thoughts and uses his grace to search until he locates Lilith. He finds her easily enough. Gabriel zaps over to that location, after making sure he is invisible and will stay that way.

Sam is hanging naked by his wrists from the ceiling of the torture room. Burns lace his stomach and the inside of his legs. Deep cuts run all over his body. They are placed to cause as much pain as possible. A long jagged cut stretches from one hip to the other. The stitches that hold the wound together are surrounded by odd runes and the inside flap of skin that has been stitched together is marked with runes too. Whip marks run down Sam's back. Some look old and have scabbed over. Others are new with blood and puss still oozing out of them. Sam is covered in bruises which are in about fourteen different shades of blue, purple, and black. He appears to be unconscious. His head rests on his chest.

Gabriel sees all of this. It makes him furious. The anger he feels is almost uncontrollable. Almost. He breaths in and out as he waits for Lilith to return.

After about two hours, she returns. The bitch actually smiles at Sam as she goes near to inflict some new torture. She pulls a small leaver concealed in the wall and a huge amount of salt comes pouring out and lands on Sam's back. Lilith makes sure she stays well out of range of the salt. Sam wakes up screaming as it seeps into the cuts. He feels as though his body is being burned.

Gabriel can't take it anymore. That scream Sam made will be the last he makes because of this fucking bitch! Gabriel puts out a hand and uses his powers to make Lilith fall to the ground. She writhes as Gabriel pushes the demon out of the woman. He destroys her. She dies screaming louder than Sam had been shouting before.

Gabriel looks at his beloved. He goes over and touches his index finger to Sam's lips. With that touch Sam is returned to a renewed body.

Sam sits up suddenly and he's hit with a large wave of vertigo. He sinks back onto the bed. He looks around the room as the dizzy spell lifts. The room is sparse. It contains only the bed he is lying on, a book shelf filled with cook books (almost all about dessert) and books about snacks, and a enormous table pulled high with more than half of the recipes featured in the books.

"Hello?" Sam calls from the bed.

A flutter of wings reaches him and Gabriel materialises in front of Sam. Sam stares in shock.

"Gabe?" He whispers as he hesitantly reaches out to touch his lover. His hand touches Gabriel's arm. He's real! Sam grabs the archangel and pulls him into an embrace.

He kisses his lover. The kiss is passionate. Sam slips his tongue into Gabe's mouth. He tastes of carmel, chocolate, and some sort of earthy nut Sam can't place. The kiss intensifies as Gabriel winds his fingers into Sam's hair. All of a sudden Gabriel breaks the kiss. A whine escapes Sam's lips, but Gabriel ignores it. He pushes Sam back into the bed. Sam lets himself fall. His archangel climbs on top of him. He grinds their hips together. Sam thrusts his hips up into his lover's. Sam pulls Gabriel closer and kisses him.

The archangel can't wait. He's missed his moose too long to take it slow. He snaps his fingers and their clothes disappear and a bottle of lube appears. Gabriel coats his fingers and slips one into Sam. Sam moans. Gabe begins to work him. Gabriel quickly inserts another finger and scissors Sam open. Sam is turning into a writhing mess under his archangel.

Once Gabriel has three fingers pounding into Sam, he slicks up his dick and pushes into Sam in one quick motion. Gabriel takes a moment to make sure Sam is ready and then begins to thrust into him. Sam pushes his hips up and meets Gabriel's motions. Their movements quickly become frenzied. Both Gabriel and Sam reach climax much quicker than either of them would have liked.

They lie next to each other holding on tightly. Neither of them ever want to let go.

"Pretty pretty please/don't you ever feel/like you're less than/less than perfect/pretty pretty please/if you ever ever feel like your nothing/you are perfect to me"

~Perfect by P!nk


	3. Chapter 3: Jolly

**AN: Hey, I am really and truly very sorry about how long it has taken me to post this chapter! Between work, cleaning, and studying chemistry to prepare for college this fall, I've been extremely busy. I'm also trying to make the chapters longer. I gave you a treat at the end. ****J****I hope that this repays you for you wait just a little bit. I will try to get the chapters out sooner, from now on. I am still including a lyrics at the end as a hint!**

December 25th

Gabriel paces through the house. He walks into the kitchen, around the counter, into the dining room, through the living room, and back into the kitchen. Today is Christmas. It's the first Christmas since Sam died. Gave has been planning today since the end of October. He sent Sam out early today and told him to spend the morning doing something fun.

"How can I have fun, if you're not there?" Sam had replied with a pout.

Gabe had pushed him out the door anyway.

Now Gabriel is stressing. He feels so guilt because Sam was tortured by that bitch for so long. It's killing him. He still doesn't understand how he wasn't able to find Sam for so long. Seven months. That's how long she had him. Thinking about Lilith always makes Gabe's blood boil. Yes, she is dead, but it still doesn't help the waves of rage that run through Gabriel's body whenever he thinks about her.

Gabriel calms his breathing and focuses on his plan. Today will be prefect. It has to be. The archangel looks around the rooms as he continues his laps.

The kitchen is decorated in plants. Over both doors, two holly branches stretch toward two intertwined hearts mad from holly berries in two different shades of red. The center island has a ring of candles nestled inside a wreath made of poinsettias and holly leaves. White pine, Douglas fir, and blue spruce needles lie scattered on the kitchen counters and add their beautiful scents to the air.

Continuing into the dining room, the trickster looks around and makes sure that the food looks just right. Gabe made sure to include at least ten different varieties of cake, cookies, pie, and ice cream. Twenty bowls of mixed candies are also present, of course. Twelve red and green ribbons run across the room diagonally. Little cupcakes in all different flavors are cleverly attached to the ribbons. IN between each of the cupcakes a candy cane hangs down.

The living room has a very unique tree. It is a huge balsam fir tree, but Gabriel, being what he is, ha altered the trunk to hide an entire room inside.

He put the present Sam had for him inside as well as his present to Sam. Sam forbid him to examine his gift. So, Gabriel had moved the parcels telepathically. Thereby preventing himself from giving into the temptation to figure out what it is.

The living room has a lovely hearth with a crackling fire. A red plush love seat is set near the fire. The coffee table, in front of the love seat, has candy scattered across it artistically. The entire set up is perfect. Gabe is ready to call Sam home.

Gabriel opens their walkie-talkie connection. "Sam?" He thinks.

"He sweetie, are you ready for me to come home?" Comes the immediate response.

"Yep, but come through the front door," Gabe answers.

A second later a short knock raps against the door. Sam enters right away. He walks inside and then stops. He looks around their living room.

"Wow! Gabe, this is amazing!"

"This isn't even half of it," Gabe chuckles.

Sam takes his lover's hand. Gabriel pulls him excitedly into the kitchen. Sam smells the aroma of the kitchen and he loves it. Leaning over, he gives his archangel a quick kiss.

"Do you like it?" Gabriel asks nervously.

"No, I love it. Although there is one thing I'd like to change," Sam says.

The trickster gives his lover a sideways glance. His eyebrows raised in a silent question.

Sam snaps his fingers and Gabriel's shirt disappears. The archangel laughs and returns the favor. Now both shirtless, they walk lazily into the dining room. Gabe smiles at the look on Sam's face, when he sees all the food.

Sam steps toward one of the ribbons and uses his teeth to remove a cupcake. It's dark chocolate with strawberry filling. He eats all of it, but misses a small amount of icing that sticks to his nose. Gabe reaches up and licks the icing off of Sam's nose, causing a bright red blush to creep over Sam's face.

"Come on. Let's do presents!" Gabe exclaims.

"Okay," Sam says with a shaky breath. He is still getting reacquainted with Gabe's ways. He loves Gabriel and he missed everything about his archangel. It just was weird to be back with him and not being held by that bitch. He still dealt with horrible nightmares about her every night. Gabe was always there to hold him and remind him that he was safe.

Gabe leads them both back into the living room and over to the tree. With a wave of his hand, the hidden door into the magical room opens. Sam looks excited as they walk into the tree. They sit down on a comfortable blanket stretched out on the floor.

"I'll give you your gift first," Sam says with a smile.

He hands Gabriel the box and Gabe immediately starts to rip through the paper. When all the paper is off, a wooden box is revealed. Upon opening the box a beautiful iridescent blown-glass carrousel comes into view.

Sam turns to Gabriel and says, "I know there isn't much that can sneak up on an archangel, but there are a few things. This carrousel is enchanted to start moving and changing colors when someone is at the door, turquoise in that case, or someone is trying to get in the house by any other means, deep purple in that instance. You and I are exempt from the enchantment though."

'Wow, Sam, it's beautiful!" Gabriel says in awe, "I've got yours next."

Gabe hands Sam a box that has a large pink ribbon in a bow holding the box together. Sam pulls away the ribbon and opens the lid of the box. A puppy pops her head up and gives a small bark. She is a beautiful golden retriever. A small note attached to her collar explains that she was rescued from an abusive family. Sam looks at Gabe and smiles with tears in his eyes.

"I love you," Sam says as he pulls his archangel into a bone-crushing hug.

Gabe hugs Sam tightly and can't help, but think that he deserves none of this.

Sam sits up sharply. _Shit._ Gabriel thinks. _I must have projected that thought loud enough for Sam to hear it! Fuck. He's going to be pissed._

"Gabe," Sam starts off slowly, "why do you think you don't deserve this?" He asks as he gestures between them.

"I…I couldn't find you, Sammy…" Gabriel tries to find the words to describe what he is feeling. "I tried…I…I really tried…but I failed you! I don't deserve you…I don't deserve anything!"

"Gabriel!" Sam is shocked. He never believed that Gabe felt this way. Sam takes a deep breath and tries to organize his thoughts.

"I need you to listen to me. Don't interrupt." Sam waits for a second, until Gabriel nods. "I don't blame you for what happened. I died to protect you. I would do it again in a heartbeat, _even_ knowing what would happen afterward. I love you. You are perfect to me! Don't you _dare_ ever see yourself as less than I see you. You mean too much to me for me to watch you beat yourself up over something that was outside of your control."

Gabe stares at Sam. The only emotions he can feel from Sam are love and determination. Gabriel feels overwhelmed. Sam loves him so much. It is still hard for him to process. He knows he loves Sam, but he just can't wrap his head around the fact that Sam feels the same way!

Sam pulls Gabriel into a kiss. It starts out tender and grows quickly. Sam pulls Gabriel on top of himself. Gabe grinds down on Sam as they continue making out. Sam slips his tongue into Gabe's mouth and gets a groan in response. When the need to breath becomes too much, Gabriel starts to plant open mouthed kisses down Sam's neck. Gabriel shifts his weight to free his hand. He snaps his fingers and their clothes disappear. Gabe grinds down on Sam and their erections rub against each other.

"Gabe…I need you." Sam moans.

Gabriel can't even wait for the time it will take to open Sam up. He snaps his fingers and Sam is ready instantly. Lining up at Sam's entrance, he pushes inside in one quick thrust. He waits a minute for Sam to adjust.

Sam bucks his hips up, "Gabe…damnit….move…now!" He groans.

Gabriel pulls almost all the way out, before he slams back in. Sam clutches at his back. Gabe begins to get a rhythm to his thrusts. Sam meets his rhythm eagerly. They are both reaching climax fast, but neither of them care, when it feels this good.

"Sam….I'm so close," Gabriel moans out.

"Me too," Sam responds.

Gabe reaches down and strokes Sam's erection. Only a few more seconds pass before Sam reaches his orgasm with a cry of Gabriel's name on his lips. Gabriel thrusts a few more times, before he follows Sam over the edge, calling out his lover's name.

Gabriel snaps them clean and with another snap puts them back in their bed. They cuddle close and soon fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

"Cuddle up angel/cuddle up my little dove/and we'll ride on down baby/into this tunnel of love/…/and the lights go out/and it's just the three of us/you, me, and all that stuff we're so scared of/ad we'll ride on down baby/into this tunnel of love"

-Tunnel of Love by Bruce Springsteen


	4. Chapter 4: Lovesick

**AN: Well, I did promise more frequent chapter posts. Oh, and I am still freaking out over the season 10 trailer for SN. It is so awesome! ****J****BTW, the restaurant mentioned in this chapter does exist and the food mentioned is truly ****_amazing_****!**

February 14th

Gabriel opens his eyes. _Ah, mornings. There isn't much else like them. Aw, Sammy, you look so cute when you sleep. I wish I knew why you've been so cranky all week._ Gabriel smiles as he looks at his partner. He leans over and gives him a quick kiss on his forehead.

Sam groans as he wakes up. He blinks and turns his head toward Gabriel. Sitting up, Sam rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He stretches and then suddenly doubles over in pain.

"Shit!" He exclaims as he puts a hand over his mouth.

He runs to the bathroom, all abilities forgotten, and makes it to the toilet with hardly a second to spare. He dry heaves into the toilet, until his eyes water, and then leans back shaking.

"What the fuck?" Gabriel says worriedly as he appears next to Sam. "Do you still want to go out for Valentine's Day?"

_Ugh. _Sam thinks. _I really do NOT want to go out. I've been such an ass though. Gabe deserves a nice day. _Sam takes a deep breath.

"Yeah, Gabe, we can go out," Sam says, trying to keep the exhaustion out of his voice.

As the day goes by, Sam struggles not to snap at Gabe. _What has gotten into me?_ He thinks, as he sits next to Gabriel on the couch. They are leaving for the restaurant in about an hour. Sam shakes his head and a wave of vertigo hits him. He lays back against the couch and takes a deep breath. After a few seconds, his breathing returns to normal and the dizzy spell passes. Sam gets up and drags Gabe with him.

"Come one, we need to get ready," Sam says. He is finally beginning to feel excited for tonight. Even though it would really only take a second for him to get dressed. Sam still enjoys picking out an outfit more conventionally. The only difference being that when he opens his closet it hold at least fifty choices of whatever type of item he is planning on wearing.

At 6:30 pm, Gabe and Sam are ready to leave. The hold hands and Gabe snaps his fingers. They appear outside Wimpy & Dee's, a small restaurant in Pennsylvania, which Gabriel had found on his many travels over the years. Sam loves this dinner. He loves the fifties feel, but most of all he loves their hot apple dumpling dessert with ice cream. It is his absolute favorite dessert.

Sam and Gave walk through the chrome doors into the diner. They sit down and are ready to order their food. The waitress cannot hide her look of shock when Gabriel orders their special brownie ice cream dessert that is made to feed twelve people all for himself. Sam orders the apple dumpling. They sit and talk idly about their latest pranks as they wait for the food. Fifteen minutes later their food has arrived. Gabriel digs right into his meal, but Sam takes a bite and makes a face.

"Gabe? Something's wrong with my food!" Sam says, worry lacing his voice.

"What!" Gabe sits up sharply. He sends his Grace through the room looking for any hint of a supernatural threat. There really shouldn't be any. He and Sam are too powerful for just about any creature out there to try and hurt them. He is still surprised, however, when he senses that nothing is wrong.

Gabriel uses his fork to take a small portion of the food and examine it. Sending a little of his Grace directly to the food, Gabe checks for anything else that could be wrong.

"Sam, it's fine! It isn't spoiled and it isn't poisoned. What has gotten into you lately?"

Sam isn't sure. He knows he has been acting odd, he really has no idea why. Gabriel wakes his hand and the food bags itself. He gets up and walks over to the register. Paying quickly, he grabs his moose, they leave, and, as soon as they are shielded from view, they fly home.

As soon as they land, Sam sways. He feels the vertigo from early engulf him. The world spins and then goes black.

Gabriel barely has time to react. He snaps his fingers and conjures a mattress for Sam to fall onto. _What the HELL is wrong with Sam? _Gabe is shaking as he sits down next to Sam.

He brushes a hand over Sam's forehead. He freezes. _No! This can't be real. This can't be happening. Seriously. Sam? What the fuck!? I can't lose you! Please, don't do this to me! Please! Sammy…_

"Surround me, it's easy to fall apart completely/I feel you creeping up again in my head/It's over, no longer I feel it growing colder/I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin/…/But I will go on until the end"

- Until the End by Breaking Benjamin


End file.
